PHILADELPHIA (CBS) — When ESPN decided that the mere mention of a name, Robert Lee, could trigger harsh feelings at a University of Virginia football game, political correctness ascended into a new and welcome place. A new principle for all to respect and adhere: anything that offends anyone, at anytime, must be banished.
People asked me, Rich, is the moment where political correctness jumped the proverbial shark? Golly gee, I sure hope not! Also, that’s offensive to sharks. Why do you presume you have to jump over them? Just swim up and talk to them like the human beings PETA wishes they were. Also you will be eaten but that’s for another column.
Shortly after ESPN courageously removed an Asian American named Robert Lee from announcing the game to avoid offending idiots, The American Civil Liberties Union asked ESPN to hold its beer while it apologized for tweeting out a picture of a young girl holding an American flag.
At first, I assumed they apologized was because she was holding an American flag, a symbol to the left of oppression, colonialism, racism, sexism, transphobia, agoraphobia, and claustrophobia. But I didn’t look carefully. You see, the little girl is a blonde white girl. Once the angry, self important, pedantic, self righteous, slactivist twitter mob dutifully notified the ACLU, they rightfully apologized!
When your Twitter followers keep you in check and remind you that white supremacy is everywhere. pic.twitter.com/Qx5D5hbKWy
— ACLU National (@ACLU) August 23, 2017
Yes, white supremacy is everywhere!
It should be noted that white liberals at ESPN thought an Asian American dude would offend people, but that’s for another column.
In New York City, they have commissioned a 90 day review of a Christopher Columbus statue and in Philadelphia, they are debating removing a statue of former Mayor Frank Rizzo. Just because Italians are under attack shouldn’t concern anyone. Sure, the Italian American community, my people, is rightly concerned about the story of Italian immigrants being lost to history, but who cares what they think? Fuggedaboutit!
I do not believe anyone should ever be offended. Ever. To that end, I propose a 90 day review of the following:
General Custer, Ohio. As the Daily Beast put it in describing Custer’s Last Stand: “shorthand for military recklessness, genocide against Native Americans, and the closing of the frontier.”
Rocky, Philadelphia. Why, do we honor a man who glorifies violence. Boxing is a tool of the white elitists who glorify two lower income people beating each other up for the entertainment of the one percent. Also, it’s obvious he is mocking hands up don’t shoot.
Vince Lombardi, Wisconsin. Sorry, but this is a no brainer, no pun intended. There is no way we should be honoring football given what we now know about concussions.
William Penn, Philadelphia He was probably a bad guy. I don’t really know the history and don’t want to take the time to learn, but someone suggested it and I want to validate their feelings by also suggesting we change his namesake state to Transylvania. It will not only show our compassion towards the vampire community, a target of cruel stereotypes in lame teen romance novels, it will boldly declare our support of the trans community.
Prince Henry the Navigator, Massachusetts. He is credited with opening the ocean route from India which paved the way for Columbus eventually discovering America. The left always screams about the oppression Columbus brought with him on those ships, but it wouldn’t have been possible without old Hank the Navigator.
Shark in a Playground in Santa Barbara, California– Work with me here. After googling statues of sharks, I came across a shark in a playground. It’s actually kind of cool but probably a trigger to anyone whose dad was killed by a shark.
James J. Hill, Montana– This dude is the worst! I had never heard of him, but after googling “evil rich white 1800’s railroad tycoons and oppression of Chinese railroad laborers,” he came up. He’s known as the “Empire Builder.” Need I say more?
Fremont Troll, Seattle. It’s a creepy troll under the bridge.
Strom Thurmond, South Carolina– Duh.
Jim Henson, Maryland. When I was at the University of Maryland, I proposed creating a statue of Jim Henson holding Kermit the Frog. I don’t want it removed, I just want credit for it because it was my idea and there’s not even a plaque with my name on it. So I’m offended and now I do want it removed.
This is only a partial list. Google statues and go over the list. If you look carefully, and think like a leftist i.e. use feelings not logic, you can certainly find something that offends someone. And if this column offends you, share it with as many people as possible to expose my privilege.