By Rich Zeoli
PHILADELPHIA (CBS) — Earlier this week a delegation of top Democratic politicians led by former Governor Ed Rendell were advocating Philly as the host city for the convention. While I don’t think I will be voting “D” in 2016, I’d still love to have the convention come to the Philly. It would be great for the area economy.
But by now you probably have heard about the corruption sting that caught Philadelphia Democratic lawmakers on tape accepting bribes from a confidential informant. You might have also heard Attorney General Kathleen Kane’s pathetic excuses for dropping the case.
So imagine how it would look to bring the Democratic convention to the very city where Democratic legislators were caught on tape accepting bribes and were never prosecuted for their crimes because the Democratic state Attorney General didn’t prosecute. A city where Democrats take bribes, avoid prosecution, and stay in office. A city where Democrats can take a bribe from an undercover informant and keep the money, tax free.
It might be a public relations disaster for the national Democratic to pick Philadelphia for their 2016 convention if democratic politicians are able to get away with corruption thanks to the Democratic attorney general, but think of the excitement we could add to the Democratic convention.
I would nominate Kathleen Kane to serve as Master of Ceremonies and oversee the following fun and educational activities:
The Kathleen Kane Political Sin Absolution Room:
Attorney General Kane could offer absolution to any and all Dem politicians for their crimes. They could confess to bribery, piracy, voter fraud, you name it. Kane could simply wash away their political sins and end it. They won’t even have to say any prayers or apologize to their constituents as penance.
The MSNBC National Media Cone of Silence Room:
We could gather all the Democratic attendees at the convention into this room and have them say whatever they want in front of the national media. As usual, the media won’t report on anything, just work on editing their columns about Chris Christie and Bridgegate.
Mean Ogre Media Training:
In this fun filled media training event, Democratic public officials are taught how to not answer anything related to their public office by saying a “A mean ogre won’t let me answer” to every question they are asked.
And important classes for attendees, all taught by Kathleen Kane:
- Effective use of racism as your excuse for everything
- How to hire a lawyer and threaten the media to stop reporting about your public office
- Strategic ways to blame your enemies for all of your public failures
- Creative ways to ignore the constitutional requirements of your office
Personally, I think the 2016 convention in Philly offers the right mix of education, fun, and blatant political corruption that’s needed for a successful event.
Disclaimer: this column is written tongue in cheek as a parody to poke fun at a public official and is protected speech as per the movie, The People vs. Larry Flint.