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Spike Eskin: An Open Letter To Sam Hinkie

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Philadelphia 76ers Announce Sam Hinkie as President of Basketball Operations and General Manager

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by Spike Eskin

PHILADELPHIA (CBS) – With the NBA trade deadline just two days away, I decided to write an open letter to Sixers general manager, Sam Hinkie.

Dear Sam,

Hope all is well! I see the season is going pretty well. We ended up getting a steal in Michael Carter-Williams, and after a little stretch of unexpected wins earlier in the season, the team seems to be settling in at the top of the Tanking Rankings.

From what I’ve seen, Nerlens Noel looks like he’s getting healthy, which is encouraging as well.

You’ve done a great job so far. A really great job.

I’m not sure if you’re aware, but Thursday is the NBA’s trade deadline. Wow! Came up pretty quickly for me too. I’m sure you know about this already. But just in case, it’s Thursday at 3pm.

I mention that trade deadline because I have a favor to ask.

I don’t mean to be too forward. I know this is your job and all. I know you have a plan and you stick to it. I know you’re good at what you do.

The favor is this: please trade Evan Turner and Spencer Hawes. I’m in no position to make a demand, but if I was, I would. Trade them for anything. Before 3pm on Thursday. I’m sure I could get you the fax number to the NBA offices if you need it.

I’m a reasonable man Sam, but I swear if you don’t trade them, I might not survive the night on Thursday. I might die of sadness. You’ve heard of that, right? Dying of sadness? That might happen to me.

I’m sure they’re very nice people. But the notion of watching them play even one second of basketball in a Sixers uniform past Tuesday night evokes a feeling that I have trouble putting into words. It’s a terrible feeling. Whatever the opposite of falling instantly, madly in love is, that’s the feeling.

The fact is that if I see Evan Turner and Spencer Hawes play in a non-video game Sixers uniform again after Tuesday night’s game against the Cavs, I will not be able to control the misery that will overtake everything that I am.

You see, I know you’re sort of new around here, but I’ve been watching these guys for several years. If I watch either of them complain about another referee’s call, my heart will break into a million little pieces.

You know that Sixers slogan, “Together We Build?” Well build on the distant memories of those guys. Build on my happiness.

I’m not saying you owe me, but I have stood up for you once or twice over the last several months. You know, when you guys weren’t talking to anyone or bought the Devils. I know you don’t care, and didn’t ask me to do that, but I did. That should stand for something.

Did I mention I’d die of sadness?

No more 22 dribble, blocked shot possessions from Evan. No more inability to defend the pick and roll from Spencer. Sure, their Instagram feeds are hilarious, but thanks to the internet, we can admire them from miles and miles away.

I’m sure you know where the NBA offices are, if you need to contact someone over there. I mean, they’re at 645 5th Avenue in New York, but you knew that. The phone number for those offices is 212-407-8000, just in case. I knew YOU knew it, but just in case someone else needs it.

Did I mention Thursday at 3pm?

Anyway like I said, you’re doing a great job. Really excited for our future here in Philly! Just as long as those guys aren’t here. Then there won’t be much of a future as far as I’m concerned. Because I’d have died (from sadness).

Your friend,

Spike

 

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