Spike Eskin: If Anthony Davis Can Trademark The Unibrow, What Can Our Philly Athletes Trademark?
By Spike Eskin
PHILADELPHIA (CBS) – You’ve got to give Anthony Davis some credit, at least he’s owning it. Davis, the certain #1 pick in Thursday night’s NBA Draft, trademarked his unibrow. This isn’t just your every day, run of the mill, Eminem in 8 Mile kind of “make fun of myself before you can make fun of me” kind of thing. He’s planning on making some money on it too.
It got me to thinking what our Philly athletes could trademark, that might not at first seem like admirable qualities. Maybe help them make some extra pocket change.
DeSean Jackson Twitter Language - We all follow D-Jacc, and none of us has any idea what he’s saying. Over the past month, he’s graced us with such gems as:
@deseanjackson10: Gettn right out chea!! Turn up!! Explosive
#Jaccpot we out here Gettn 2 it.. Hatters I ain’t impressed
Also along with invitations to his occasional VIP hot tub parties. Just think, any time someone writes something unintelligible on Twitter, Jackson would earn a few cents. Jaccpot!
Hunter Pence Butchering Of Fly Balls: Hey Dom Brown, watch out! Next time you fall down trying to field a routine fly ball, you’ll owe Hunter a check.
Doug Collins Obsessive Texting: It’s 4am, and Thad Young hears his phone go off. Someone has sent him text message after tet message. Worrying that it may be an emergency, Young picks up his phone only to see that all 30 are from Doug Collins, obsessing over a game from two nights prior.
If Collins gets this trademark, guys all across the country who are dating a girl who is out of their league, will owe more than standard text messaging rates.
Flyers Injury Dishonesty: It’s a bad knee. WAIT. It’s a virus. WAIT. It’s a concussion. Huh? If the Flyers are able to capitalize on one of their most lovable traits, kids will have to think twice about faking sick to get out of school. Paul Holmgren will be there to collect if they do.
Jimmy Rollins First Pitch Swinging: He might as well just stand in the on deck circle holding his wallet while Pence is up.
Charlie Manuel Trademarks The Word “Like,” and “At The Same Time: The list of things that Charlie and teenage girls have in common is short. Charlie might as well make a few extra bucks on the few things he does share.
Andy Reid’s Throat Clearing: It’s allergy season you say? CHA-CHING!
Shane Victorino Trademarks “You Know”: Since he uses it after approximately every second or third sentence, he might as well make a little cash on it. You can’t have “Y U NO” without “you know.”
Evan Turner’s Tweeting Of Bathroom Related Problems: Who could forget this one?
@thekidet: I been on the toilet all night, my butt crack feels like it has sun burn #pause. I’m so annoyed.
Come to think of it, he might not make very much money on this at all.