Start Panicking: Facebook Timeline To Be Mandatory For All Users

By Chelsea Karnash

PHILADELPHIA (CBS) – And on the seventh day, Mark Zuckerberg unleashed Timeline.

Yes, all Facebook users now have a limited amount of time to migrate over to Facebook’s Timeline format and edit their virtual pasts. Because after seven days, that past is going be broadcast to the entire world — or at least to your “friends.”

Timeline, the social media giant’s biggest (and to some, scariest) overhaul in years, has been quietly infiltrating certain Facebook users’ profiles over the past few months. It allows users to display their lives to their Facebook friends in a new, scrapbook-like format, complete with a clickable dateline on the right side of the page. Users can also add “Life Events”—births, marriages, graduations, etc—to their Timeline via a status update feature.

Previously, the new format was optional. But on February 1st, all Facebook users’ profiles will automatically migrate to Timeline, and depending on your privacy preferences, other users will now have access to your previous posts, status updates, photos—pretty much anything you’ve posted since you activated your account.

In other words, Mom will now know exactly what went on at that epic kegger circa ’06.

But there is some good news: Users have seven days to make the switch to the new format and edit their Timeline before it goes live. While you will be able to see your Timeline during those seven days, no one else will, meaning you have a short grace period to hide or delete anything scandalous or embarrassing from those younger, not-so-wise years.

To get the new Timeline feature and start editing, go to and click “Get Timeline.” Then “hide” away.

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One Comment

  1. noname says:

    PS. the founder of facebook is going sell it. it’ll be a publicly traded company soon.

  2. noname says:

    welll….we’re gulable – anyone remember when we fell for that BS a few decades back. it was called MAC. it was really hyped up that 1. it’s free. it will always be free and there will be no fee if you use the mac from your bank (think there is a $5 handling fee at the end of the month though) 2. it’s safe (ha ha) and the big sell…3. it will cut banks operating cost because they’ll need less tellers. thus cutting any of your cost. you’re interest rate on savings may even go up. if you introduce something slowly enough people don’t really notice and you won’t get as much protest. tack on a little fee here, a little there, overtime you don’t go into the bank anymore and if you had to, what used to be no big deal is a big deal now. we got sold on convience. (pardon the spelling, i miss my spell check) get people used to it first. this is just breaking you in to losing your right to privacy a little at a time. it’s fun, everyone does it…what’s the big deal if i have my party pictures out there….oh oh…now not only is your potential employer looking, but your car insurance company, you health insurer….

    we’re sheep being led to the slaughter. everyone will know your business, where you are at any given time. where to find you because every friend and family member is listed ….you are no longer a threat to big brother because he knows where you are and who associate with…oh one more thing. disarm everyone. let’s get a small arms treaty going and start taking a little chunk out of that freedom/right and ….what’s next…your phone operating you home..where you can see inside your house and set the heat, the alarm. look to see what everyone is doing….oh…wait….that’s now. gee that orwell fellow was freaky how he saw all this coming. drop facebook people if you really want a revolution. you’ll get used to not using it. lets have a national…write a letter and mail it day?

  3. Thomas J. Morris III says:

    Never put anything in writing that you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see. The law does not protect the criminally stupid!.

  4. G Carr says:

    This timeline stuff that Facebook is ramming down our throats is going to stink. I cannot see anything good coming from it. Since now because there is no law that prohibits any future employer from looking for you and judging whether to hire you based on what you may have said or done in the past is a bad thing. There is nothing that anyone can say that will change that fact.

  5. So Much For Privacy says:

    I see they are still trying to get their grubby little hands on any kind of private information they can and put it out there for all the world to see. Jerkoffs!!

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