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Rev. To NJ Church Leaders: Thou Shalt Not Facebook

NEPTUNE, N.J. (AP) — Thou shalt not commit adultery. And thou also shalt not use Facebook.

That’s the edict from a New Jersey pastor who feels the two often go together.

The Rev. Cedric Miller said 20 couples among the 1,100 members of his Living Word Christian Fellowship Church have run into marital trouble over the last six months after a spouse connected with an ex-flame over Facebook.

Because of the problems, he is ordering about 50 married church officials to delete their accounts with the social networking site or resign from their leadership positions. He had previously asked married congregants to share their login information with their spouses and now plans to suggest that they give up Facebook altogether.

“I’ve been in extended counseling with couples with marital problems because of Facebook for the last year and a half,” he said. “What happens is someone from yesterday surfaces, it leads to conversations and there have been physical meet-ups. The temptation is just too great.”

Miller is married and has a Facebook account that he uses to keep in touch with six children, but he will heed his own advice and cancel his account this weekend.

On Sunday, he plans to “strongly suggest” that all married people to stop using Facebook, lest they endanger their marriage.

“The advice will go to the entire church,” he said. “They’ll hear what I’m asking of my church leadership. I won’t mandate it for the entire congregation, but I hope people will follow my advice.”

Miller said he has spoken from the pulpit before about the dangers of Facebook, asking married couples to give each other their passwords to the site.

“Some did. Others got scared and deleted their accounts right away. And some felt it was none of my business and continued on,” he said.

Miller said he has gotten a mostly positive response so far among the leaders subject to his edict, which was first reported by the Asbury Park Press.

Pat Dawson, a minister at the church, uses her Facebook account to see photos of her relatives. She is unmarried and therefore not required to delete her account, but she agrees with Miller about the dangers such sites can create.

“I know he feels very strongly about this,” she said. “It can be a useful tool, but it also can cause great problems in a relationship. If your spouse won’t give you his or her password, you’ve got a problem.”

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or been faced with evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites in divorce cases over the last five years.

About one in five adults uses Facebook for flirting, according to a 2008 report by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. And a do-it-yourself divorce site in the United Kingdom, Divorce-Online, reported late last year that the word “Facebook” was appearing in about one in five of the petitions it was handling.

Miller says there are legitimate uses for Facebook, which is why he started an account a few years ago.

“People use it as an opportunity to invite others to social gatherings, to share Scripture or talk about what went on at church,” he said. “Those are all positive, worthwhile things. But the downside is just too great.”

Facebook did not immediately respond to a before-hours interview request left at its California offices.

(© 2010 The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed)

Comments

One Comment

  1. GManon says:

    If his ministers are holy men, probably they will use facebook to evangelize and grow the church.

    Why he has to think that they are flirting with other people. This is insane.

    My facebook comments are public to everyone including my husband.

    My husband does not need my password, he knows me.

  2. revmpf says:

    Rev. Miller, you seem to have overr reach your authority in the church. Last I heard, Jesus said, “preach the Gospel.” You can bring up problems of the world, lust of the ryr, lust of the flesh and pride of life and nothing more. But ordering those in the congregation to stop or else will bring you more problems then you know. You are allowing the enemy in and giving him control. Revmpf

  3. Gnstr says:

    FB was always a problem is people were not responsible enough.

  4. Do this. Don’t do that. Don’t do this. Don’t think this. Don’t look at that. Goodness sakes, religion hates everything.

    1. Actually, clerics hate everything.

    2. Riverdrinker says:

      It is called eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil

  5. josh p says:

    If I was married, and my wife posted a message on my facebook page to “GIVE ME UR PA$$WORDZ”, I would tell her to stop typing like that, because caps is like shouting.

    I would expect her to trust me. Even though I get suspicious looks on my face and laugh mischievously whilst rubbing the palms of my hands together. Mwa ha ha! Like that.

    I hope she never asks me to give her my Google Maps password or my social security number. Because those are private. Just like my activities on Facebook.

  6. mouselina says:

    I’m not sure Facebook is the problem. Marriages steadily continued to end in divorce long before Facebook existed. While some people have chosen to connect with their “old flames,” I believe that if these people were already happy with their current spouse there would not be any temptation to leave. However, Facebook does make it easy to connect with many people. Perhaps the best way to keep yourself in a marriage is to wait until you are absolutely sure you want to spend your entire life with one person. Too many people race to be the first one married; there really isn’t a finish line (unless you are dead).

  7. bottomline says:

    At the risk of appearing totally amoral I want to point out that Jesus, the namesake of Christianity, said ALL sex was filthy and fornication. What’s more important is, aside from that verse about adultery, Jesus didn’t dwell on sex. All this expanded hype about sex and sin is pure invention. Sexual values are not part of the pure Christian teachings. Our biological needs are here to stay and we, as human beings need to adapt to “what is,” not to some idealistic Ozzie and Harriet pipe dream. Men and women stray from the ideal, willing or not. The goal is to achieve good marriages and good homes, based on honest values with regard to our mortal makeup – not to tell our creator (Satin?) he made a mistake. All Facebook does is open the door and expose the facts of life.

    1. WhiplashKate says:

      Bottomline- Where did Jesus say THAT??He never said ALL sex was filthy. Just the opposite. Married sex is awesome, blessed and a gift. Thankfully, my church encourages married relations with gusto and teaches how that union was designed to be a great thing. It’s been teaching that for over 2000 years, man. Get with it!

      Making excuses for a lack of self control is easy, but they are just excuses used to justify poor choices. FB is just a symptom of the real problem. People don’t know the value of marriage, don’t appreciate what they have and divorce has become so main stream that people think it’s an “out” if they need it. So sad.

  8. Cheryl says:

    I agree! As a matter of fact, my step-daughter did exactly what the pastor gave a scenerio for. My step-daughter (in her 40’s) did the facebook thing, rekindled the old feelings but the problem is that he is married man with children! South CCarolina woman………leave that married man alone and go get YOUR OWN man. Pastor, kudos to you for speaking your mind and again, I agree!!!

  9. Aaron Gray says:

    I do not have time to read all of the comments posted but what I will say that if a person is going to creep on their spouse they do not need a Facebook account to do so. People have been creeping before Facebook and they will creep after Facebook. I respect the Pastor’s motivation although I do not agree with his decision and manadate of his leadership.

    I am a Married Minister and have had contact with many people from my past. However, I love my wife and I love the LORD and whatever I had with anyone in the past is just that, in the past. My wife has the right to check anything I say and do on Facebook she is welcome to have all my access codes to my cell phone and Facebook account.

  10. grimirez says:

    This is legalism. We our supposed to live by the Bible….where in the Bible does it say no facebook? Therefore, if a pastor says no facebook that is simply his human words.

    But we are also called to remove the sin in our lives. for those 20 couples who had marital issues, facebook probably needed to be removed from their lives. Everyone has different struggles and it is between them and God to fix. Not leaders putting legalistic rules over everyone.

    For example…if I had a struggle with porn I might need to get rid of my computer for a little while. Does that mean I tell everyone else to get rid of their computer because they will struggle with porn? No. That was a rule I would need to instill with myself because I knew my struggles and that’s what God told me to do.

    All of us have different things that we struggle with. Each of us needs to identify individually with God what steps we should take in our life to fix our struggle with a particular sin. Quite often we turn that into legalism by saying everyone needs to follow the same rules as us.

    There are blatant rules in the Bible that we must follow (i.e. murder, lust, disobeying, etc). But anything that is not in scripture we cannot hold other people accountable to.

    1. jjb says:

      The pastor was on the TV this morning and said that he did not try to force them off of facbook. He found nothing in the bible that said that you can not facbook, but rather a leader should lead by example and not be a part of something that “could” cause a problem. In fact he suggest that they have a “family” page and not a personal one. I dont see a problem with that. Are we to lead and protect our families, or be a victom of the world?

    2. CM says:

      I totally disagree with the guy. Its a blanket black and white rule put up for everyone. in just reading the article there were advertisement pictures on the right side with girls in bikinis. That is just life these days which is why we all need to be careful. those 20 people probably did need to delete their facebook. but this is a larger heart issue, not a facebook issue. there were things beyond facebook that led to their decisions.
      That temptation is there and it has made it easier. if people find they want to flirt online and struggle with it, removing it from their life would be a gracious thing they could do to themselves.
      Removing the temptation works, but does not get to the larger issue. there will be another 20 he counsels next year and it wont be becuase of facebook.

    3. alyoshak says:

      What a joke. If grimirez were being honest in applying this principle and not arbitrarily selective, he would not have a computer, after all, it says nowhere in the Bible that you should have a computer. According to his own accusation his own post is full of “human words”. So, let’s take a tip from him and ignore his advice.

    4. yesman says:

      spot on!

  11. R. Boyce says:

    yet another hypocritical “Christian” idiot whose holier-than-thou actions are turning off the world to Christianity. Since FB provides the opportunity to cheat, I should cancel my account. Well, Pastor, since your vehicle takes to to the rendezvous point, I think you should sell it. (and make sure you donate that money to the church!) Your cell phone allows you to connect with the “other” person, so maybe you should cancel your contract. Yeah.. go ahead and cut off all the kids’ phones as well so they don’t grow up to be cheaters. Oh, and that money that’s allowing you to buy things for the woman on the side… how about just giving that up too, since it’s too much of a temptation.

    1. Alec Berg says:

      How is the pastor a hypocrite?? He didn’t cheat?? You’re an idiot.

    2. Alec Berg says:

      Boyce is an over-eater.

  12. Totoro says:

    Facebook might have it’s uses but 9 out 10 it’s a waste of time that can be put to better use. I think most of us aren’t good about unstructured time, which is a shame. Time which is our own reflects our creativity, whether positive or negative.

  13. Merilee says:

    As a Therapist, I can say that IF a spouse is “flirting” on Facebook, or in other chatrooms… that is a “symptom” of another ‘problem’… NOT the problem itself. Just as, in relationships, when people argue about “socks on the floor”, or the toilet seat being left up… it is seldom actually about “socks or seat positions”.

  14. Reformed Adulteress says:

    If a person’s heart is full of lust then deleting their fb account will not solve the problem. The person will just find other ways of acting on those impulses, consciously or unconsciously. Only a change of heart, brought about by the working of the Holy Spirit in a person’s life will bring about any lasting change. Setting boundaries is only useful if you are working together with the Spirit, otherwise having rules about things like this just inflames the flesh even more. I say this as a reformed adulteress. The best thing this pastor could do is counsel people to turn theirs hearts more towards God. You have to replace the lust in your heart with something else. Paul said in 1 cor 6 not to become one flesh with a prostitute because you are one in spirit with the Lord. There is no rest from lust until we find the intimacy that we are longing for in our spiritual union with God, through Jesus. Boundaries like deleting fb accounts are only useful for giving ourselves space to deal with the underlying heart/idolatry issues.

  15. Aunt Bee says:

    Why doesn’t god heal amputees Reverend? If Jesus had been real he would have used Fecebook. Stop telling us what to do you control freak power tripping moron.

    http://911essentials.com

  16. DJ says:

    It’s as simple as this: Does Facebook cause people to be unfaithful or do the “Unfaitful” use facebook? And…does a gun cause someone to be a criminal or do criminals use guns?
    Romans 14:10-21
    Overthrow not for meat’s sake the work of God. All things indeed are clean; howbeit it is evil for that man who eateth with offence. It is good not to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor to do anything whereby thy brother stumbleth.

  17. irlandes says:

    I have no problem with flirting on Facebook. That young married woman who lives next door, 46 years my junior doesn’t need Facebook to flirt with me. Yet, she is pretty good at it. So far she has been at it 8 months and I have not shown any visible reaction. If I can resist a hot chick like that in person, I don’t imagine I would have a problem online.

  18. Justice of the Peace says:

    People: If you don’t have access to your spouses’ account(s), it’s because they’ve revoked your access to their hearts.

    Pray they will repent of their infidelities — and you yours, if the shoe fits — or your marriages are doomed.

    1. Nick says:

      Oh, please. Give me a break!! How absurd. I hope this post is a joke.

      1. Nick says:

        My comment about the post being a joke was directed at “Justice of the Peace” not you, TuAmigo. I quite liked your post.

    2. Clayton Sheldon says:

      Whoot whooot Well said Praise Jesus

  19. Shawn says:

    Read the article again. Carefully. This pastor is NOT mandating a Facebook purge for his entire church. He acknowledges there can be some positive elements for a Christian to use Facebook, but is rightly concerned for the negative effects it may have contributed to in the lives of some of the couples in his church. He is calling for his leadership team to lead by example, and has placed himself under the same restriction. That sounds like good and honest respect for a sense of fairness, and demonstrates leadership that does not ask his people to make sacrifices that he himself is not willing to make. I don’t think he’s butting into other peoples’ business any more than a road sign warning drivers of ” potential danger from “falling rocks” up ahead on the road. He is merely giving strong advice, not strict mandates, and is trying to walk his own talk.

    1. FB Cancellation Remorse? says:

      Facebook makes it easy to pretend to cancel your account.

      You can reinstate it and pick up right where you left off in seconds…

      1. Tom says:

        Why would someone cancel and then come back?

  20. Paul says:

    Jesus said “If your hand causes you to sin, better to cut it off.” Was Jesus really saying you should do this? To answer that question we must ask the obvious: Can your hand cause you to sin? No, that is impossible. It is the head and the heart that cause you to sin. Think of getting rid of Facebook being the same thing as cutting off your hand. You still have your head, and thus, still have the ability to sin. Some congregations require abstinence from alchohol to be an elder. So, for the term that you are an elder, you must abstain. Otherwise, seek another calling. God doesn’t need you that bad.

  21. Larry-in-MI says:

    What a wierd world!! I use FB to keep in touch with family across the country, and friends from High School, college and co-workers (most of whom live far away). Its a blessing in my life!! Objects are not evil, only people can be evil. This guy (and quite a few posters) sounds like one of those people who blame pornography on cameras. Adultry is older than the Bible, dirt bags will be dirt bags with or with out a little technology!

  22. noothergods says:

    I don’t really see a problem with this. Honestly I agree that it is the people, not facebook, who are the problem, however we often have to make sacrifices to avoid temptation. While the leaders might not need to delete facebook to save their own marriages it is not far-fetched to believe that someone in the congregation who does will have an easier time of it once their church leaders set the example. That is what Christian brotherhood is all about, sacrificing what we could have so that our brothers and sisters may be better off. If we can’t do that then what kind of Christians are we.

    https://lanternhollow.wordpress.com/

  23. faceaway says:

    You folks who are so up in arms… me thinks thou dost protest too much. I know couples who are falling apart and facebook started the insidious double life. Did you read the statistics? Facebook showed up in 81% of marital litigation? Wake up! It undermines the necessary oneness of married life.

    1. Jacob says:

      If a spouse is going to be unfaithful, a social network…or lack of one , is not going to deter or encourage same. Adulterous behavior was going on long before facebook, etc. and the people who are going to engage in such behavior are going to do so…no matter what.
      Facebook doesn’t cause the unfaithfulness but does make it easier for the other spouse to detect. If anything, it provides the the spouse being cheated on with information that wasn’t there 10 or 20 years ago. Whereas an adulterer could get away with cheating years ago until they were caught by being seen, heard on the phone, etc, now the guilty party can be tracked down in just a few clicks of a mouse.
      The adulterous heart hasn’t changed, just the method of communication.

      1. Nick says:

        @jacob

        Totally agree!

        From the article: “The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have USED or BEEN FACED WITH EVIDENCE plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites in divorce cases over the last five years.”

        This does not mean FB was the cause of the divorce, but they used FB accounts as evidence puruant to the divorce. People say a lot of stuff on FB and it makes the spouse find out OR they use it as evidence, but not just of cheating, but hiding income, etc. This article is not being specific. In other articles I’ve read, it’s the things I just mentioned.

        Also, they find out whereas they wouldn’t before, and thank God, right? I’d want to know sooner rather than later if someone was cheating on me.

        I don’t refute that FB probably makes it easier to cheat, but that’s only true if someone is already inclined to cheat without it. If someone cheats, than they are unhappy in their relationship.

  24. heatherfeather says:

    “Living World”, huh? Any church that has a version of “new” or “life” in its name is a cult. Hopefully, the cultists delete their FB accounts, since no one outside of their cult cares what they have to say.

  25. MARIBEL RIVERA says:

    THIS PASTOR SHOULD MIND HIS..THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER THINGS THAT GOES ON EVEN INSIDE CHURCH THAT ARE EVEN WORST AND THEY KEEP IT VERY QUIET.

    1. Reality+Christianity=THIS says:

      I agree! I have witnessed churches fall apart because the leaders and members were too concerned about material things. If your going to “ban” FB, go ahead and ban cell phones, tv, computers, radios, etc. because guess what? Temptation is everywhere! Jesus exists to teach us how to control OURSELVES!!! Dont lose sight of the forest for all the trees…

      1. Clayton Sheldon says:

        Amen well Said

        Reverend Sheldon
        T&K Ministries

    2. Clayton Sheldon says:

      Very True

  26. disenchanted says:

    guess what this pastor has no authority to tell you anything. I am sick and tired of people who believe they are above the law or God that they can control everything we do. I am sick and tired of it. So Pastor, stuff it.

    1. Clayton Sheldon says:

      Amen This is what I like to see Truth
      Church of Truth and Knowledge
      Founder Rev. J. Clayton Sheldon Sr

  27. Steve says:

    It’s the people and their hearts who are the problem, not Facebook. Same temptation, different method. It might make it a bit easier, but those who are not committed and are looking for something have always had other ways to find it. Accountability certainly helps, and it can get addictive like anything else. But it can be used for great good as well, like sharing the Gospel with those who would normally never have heard it had they not made connections on Facebook. Self control and moderation I say…

  28. J.Abrams says:

    J. Abrams,
    Is this really any of the pastor’s business. I wish preachers would stick to teaching what’s in the Bible and letting people decide for themselves how to live their lives. I like the comment…”at this time he’s not going to mandate the entire congregation stop using Facebook.” I have no use for these holier than thou types that think their way of living is the best way and force it on everyone around them. I say, stfu Mr. Preacher Man and mind your own business.

    1. liz48 says:

      Christians are supposed to live spiritually sensitized lives; in the US, sadly Christianity has become an intellectual exercise. I agree on commonsense, the pastor is a twit; but beyond your 5 senses he is saying something very important. If you read the Bible this debate between the intellect and spirit has been around for thousands of years….

    2. Allen says:

      He’s a pastor you idiot and he’s doing exactly what he is supposed to be doing. Teaching and leading the others. The bible tells us to obey those over us in the Lord. He has committed his life to serve the lord and shepherd the flock of God and if he is a good pastor he is supposed to instruct the people on how to live good holy lives. It’s not about being holier than thou at all.

  29. Rationalist says:

    Congratulations ! You’ve just made Dumb & Dumber look like Einstein & Edison!

    1. Rationalist says:

      My comment is referring to the jerkusaurus rex who was criticising the reverend for his name…

  30. liz48 says:

    FB makes cheating much easier. You can get pretty personal with someone you have already known without being discovered; unlike a situation where you have to physically meet someone, show up at their home etc. I personally know people who use the site for the “fun” of casual sex…

    I cannot explain it, but I was so turned off by the site, that I deleted my account after a very short time. Within me being on the site was a turnoff. I am spirit filled (tongue talker:)) born again Christian….love me or hate me:)

  31. aba dufizzi says:

    What a moronic thing to say.

  32. Allen Dennis says:

    Is he going to make them give up their computers too? If not, he’s hypocritical.

    1. barinak says:

      This is any of his business?????

      1. Al says:

        yes it is, since he’s the pastor, duh!

    2. Al says:

      how do you come to that lame conclusion.

  33. MG in CA says:

    How ridiculous. Facebook has many positive uses. I’ve seen it used to raise funds for worthy causes, post memorials to victims of crime, notify people swiftly when there is a wildfire, help nonprofits let the public know about charity events, assist journalists in gathering news such as in missing person cases, and more. I’ve had long-lost relative and high school friends find me online. My business has been helped through Facebook. Local churches spread their word on Facebook. Here in San Diego, local Iraqi Christians used Facebook to help organize a global effort to halt the massacre of Christians in the Middle East. Does the pastor want all of that to stop? Even doing God’s work through Facebook?

    1. Will says:

      Facebook simply reveals the truth about the internet social class… the Pastor should just embrace the truth instead of trying to hide the fact that a percentage of every 1,100 ppl in this world will sin, even if they go to his church and he hypnotizes them…. It’s bigger than religion Hip Hop…..

  34. cindinator says:

    Facebook is not the problem. People are. If they want to wander, they will just find other means. Issuing Pilgrim buckles to wear on their underpants do not stop wandering husbands or wives. That’s just ridiculous!

  35. R. Parr says:

    Sorry, Rev, rules without relationship equals rebellion.

  36. Chris Perzinelli says:

    Now if he can only convince churches like Eagle Brook Church to have pastor Bob tell his people how evil and foolish Facebook is we would be better off.

  37. Clayton Sheldon says:

    Come on now Deleting Facebook is Hog Wash….. I’m a minister and I will Tell it is all about free will Those who truely love thier Spouse and Trust Thier should not be a problem. And if They do They are insecure and no trust. Maybe you should not be married. Put your Faith in God not man

    Reverend Sheldon
    Truth and Knowledge Ministries

    1. Al says:

      you’re not reverend, you’re full of self and you’re scary.

      1. Clayton Sheldon says:

        I have my credentials Jealousy has no business in the church

  38. mho says:

    What is so unusual about making this as a condition of employment..which is what this essentially is? Facebook has long been banned and/or rules made as to who you can be friends with for schoolteachers. I know personally of two school systems – One in Florida where you are not allowed to have a facebook account and one in DC area where you are not allowed to be friends with anyone under age of 18 in the district that you teach in. Many other businesses advise people not to have Facebook pages. Sometimes it’s not what you post but what other’s post on your page that can be damaging or embarassing.
    Not saying it’s right or wrong… just saying the issue of businesses and governments trying to restrict a person’s Facebook activities is more widespread than this article intimates.

  39. Jordan Cobb says:

    Thou shalt not preach about things which thou knowest nothing about.

  40. julie says:

    FWIW my marriage is ending over fb. Old flame, a reconnect, finally in person…Guess we’re a stereotype. It does happen.

  41. semper says:

    fine, just don’t take away my youtube porn.

  42. Frank White says:

    @Krystal Smith, @Mary to those who say deal with the temptation and not blame facebook. duh, that’s how you deal with temptation, you remove it whenever possible. There is nothing wrong with the Pastor suggesting this to married congregants – they are free to be there and free to not heed the advice. He’s in charge of the church, so it’s also ok that he dictates that married leadership officials must delete their accounts. Again, they are free to keep them and resign their position. The real problem here is the church is a lukewarm 501c3 that allows female pastors – Paul expressly forbids this – no wiggle room – don’t like it then don’t claim to be a Christian, at least one that follows the Bible.

    1. Al says:

      right on, straight forward and sensible comment. True true true, thank you.

  43. InSearchOfCivility says:

    Don’t you think that comment was quite a bit over the top? He has a right to preach what he wants to, just as you have a right to promote your own version of secularism with your Hitler hyperbole. If you believe differently, don’t attend church there. It’s that simple.

  44. KT says:

    Is he gonna volunteer to give up his cell phone and order his workers to, also…can’t have people sexting!

  45. Amanda says:

    I have a FB account and have married FB friends and we do not reconnect in the way this article is saying. I am unmarried.

    I would NEVER let my SO or spouse have my passwords! What kind of relationship is THAT?? If they don’t trust me, the relationship is over! How ridiculous. I also don’t like that people I don’t know about can be reading my personal information. What if I tell that person something about my life that I don’t know the FB SO with the password cannot keep secret, like an illness or something? I guess I won’t be telling any married FB friends about illnesses or deaths or job woes I don’t want getting out. Such BS that someone can be reading what you write, and you don’t know about it. Women and a lot of men gossip like crazy. Smh.

    1. Noah Fing-Whey says:

      I take it you’re not familiar with accountability.

      1. Amanda says:

        I take it you’re not familiar with trust.

        Does your wife have a tap on your phone and monitor your car by GPS? Have a camera on you at work?

        People who have to have their SO have a password don’t trust themselves and their spouses don’t trust them, maybe for good reason, because if you’re willing to give out your PW, you are afraid you will cheat.

        At worst, your spouSSe has no respect or trust for you. The SS in spouse was intentional, by the way.

        What about accountabilluty for your friend’s privacy? Your friend’s don’t know they have a phantom “friend” viewing their private profile. Do everyone a favor and just delete your account if you gave your wife your password, because it’s not fair to your friends. Do you have accountabilty to your friends and their privacy?

    2. Al says:

      you’re all about self, me, me, me, mine. you don’t really understand accountability nor trust. If you trusted your SO then it wouldn’t even be an issue to give them your password. To not do so smacks of secrecy and distrust. As for your friends privacy, if you are married then your friends surely must realize that spouses share with each other that’s why a person can’t be forced to testify against their spouse in court. It sounds like your marriage is more of a business arrangement than a true marriage if this is how you feel. SAD, AND the problem wih the world.

      1. Amanda says:

        I do understand trust and accountability and know that if someone trusts someone they do not ask for their password, because they have faith in them that they wouldn’t betray them. That is trust, not “Give me your password so I can see every little thing you do.” How is that trust and how is that accountability? The whole foundation of trust is to give someone the benefit of the doubt that they will do right by you and will have integrity. What you are suggesting is the opposite of trust. Someone asking their SO is the one all about ME, me, me, mine and is very against any religious tenent I’ve ever heard, where faith and trust are to be given to the SO, not orders of espionage.

        I am unmarried. I said that in my first post, so the rest of your post doesn’t apply to me.

    3. I should know says:

      Knowing the password is pointless. If the spouse in question has something to hide, they could just make an alternate account.

  46. Concerned Citizen says:

    Total BS, if someone is gonna cheat they don’t have to use facebook to find someone to cheat with. Why blame facebook…..get off the whole Internet then, you might meet someone willing to cheat…..or how about, don’t go to the grocery store, someone in produce may make a pass at you and you will be tempted. Total BS, get a life preacher and stay out of others lives. No one makes decisions for me about where and what I do on the Internet. Least of all my preacher. I have to answer to God for what I do and no one else.

    1. sensitive citizen? says:

      it was a suggestion from a pastor. yelling bs and feeling personally attacked about it shows another insecurity all together. don’t be naive. dealing with temptation sometimes means avoiding it. there might be plenty of people who don’t need to delete their accounts because it’s a non issue. but for those whom is does apply to, people who befriend ex-lovers and still have feelings for them, might need to heed some good advice. good grief.

      answering to God means following practical advise sometimes, whether it seams reasonable to our deceptive hearts or not.

      1. Al says:

        wonderful post, clear insightful understanding. thank you

  47. Reggie says:

    The temptation is too great for whom? He must have a pretty shallow flock.

  48. Dizzle says:

    Remember to be afraid of other people and always refer to an authority figure

  49. Kristen says:

    IMO its the people not the website. If their marriages were rock solid they wouldn’t go looking anyways or make it go any further than friendship. I agree don’t face blame on the website though its not like the site is putting a gun to their head saying here cheat on your spouse.

  50. Jason Trupp says:

    It’s your point of view about Christians that make such steps necessary for church leadership anyway. It’s alright for you to live your life as you choose and no one in any church is trying to tell you different. You actually sound a little convicted about this, hence your bitter comment. That not withstanding, as a Pastor I have to set the highest standard for myself as instructed by the Bible and encourage my fellow leaders to do the same. We know we are under scrutiny. We know many doubt our beliefs because of how we live. Your upset at the wrong thing here. It’s not that this pastor is angry or hateful about Facebook. He just wants his leaders to set an example others can follow. You don’t like how Christians behave outside of church but you get angry at this man’s efforts to help that. You can’t have it both ways.

  51. Tony says:

    I dont use FB because of the dangers that I would fall in. As a man we are weak to old flings and will have to test the motor out again and again. Its a great tool to have and to stay in contact with friends but some old friends always start out with “lets have happy hour” Lets meet up for some coffee, then BOM your fu@#ing,

  52. dave redmond says:

    What does being a Jew have to do with it? Your prejidice is disgusting.

    1. Krystal Smith says:

      I agree 100% It goes hand in hand with the idea for example should we blame a pencil for misspelled words, and the idea of guns kill people, its not either of them that are at fault, its usually the lack of judgement on ones part.. Its not facebook, nor the gun, nor the pencil thats at fault for the wrong doing, its the person… (sorry if i spelled anything wrong, its my fault.. lol)

  53. conrad carter says:

    I remember seeing an ad for “the fighting bandana” so because I wanted that kind of protection I wrote and told the fellow I just wanted the bandana, nothing else. Imagine my surprise when he didn’t respond. Facebook is the same way, you get what you put into it.

  54. Mike says:

    Couldn’t he just have them promise not to cheat on their spouses instead? Kind of like when they got married in the first place. This pastor sounds like some kind of cult leader trying to control everything in his congregation’s lives.

    BTW, I’m a deacon in my own church. FB isn’t the problem, it’s people who are the problem.

    1. Al says:

      you’re a deacon and you think the pastor is trying to control everything in his congregation’s lives? you must be a nimrod then. I only see him asking married persons to delete their facebook account because of the possible temptation. Ah, I see, you must belong to a hyper liberal church who thinks everyone is a little god without need for accountability. The bible does tell us to obey those over us in the lord. I guess that doesn’t apply to you does it. You’re exempt. You probably critique everything the pastor says and inform him of his errors don’t you.

  55. atty79 says:

    I agree with @Jason Kahl, respect your vows and commitment. My spouse has all my passwords, and vice-versa. I treat our relationship like an open book; as @Jason Kahl said, like my spouse is watching me. It’s part of the union of marriage.

    1. Clayton Sheldon says:

      I agree as it should be

  56. Brian B. says:

    The problem is not Facebook, it’s how people chose to use it. People have secret sins they “think” they are keeping hidden, but the truth is, you effect the environment around you. drugs and alcohol are obvious examples of this, but lust tries to stay in the shadows out of sight, but sooner or later, like drugs and alcohol, it gets to control your mood,your thoughts, your goals and your relationships. Before you know it, your looking at a broken marriage and alienated family members. This is why God said repent and turn away from your sins. Not because he is a “fuddy duddy”, sex is a creation of God, but has very specific terms of use. When you go out side of those terms, you run into trouble with God and people. If your not satisfied with your marriage, you need to figure out why. Then seek God on the issue. I can say a whole lot more, but will stop here.

  57. possom20 says:

    It is nut bars like this one that make organized religion look so bad.

    1. Jason Kahl says:

      A alcoholic should not hang out in bars too, if someone is having a “Problem” the solution is not to hang out where a person that is already pron to “Back Sliding”. It makes Perfect Since for a recovering crack head not to hang out in a crack house…

      1. david says:

        so you’re saying it makes sense that adulterers shouldn’t use facebook? so all of those church employees are adulterers? i didn’t get that from the article but that insight certainly clears things up. thanks!

    2. steve-in-stl says:

      truth hurts? If Facebook is tempting folks into adultery, why should the pastor not advise against it? Certainly the issue is bigger than FB, but that is one small step. And he has not condemned your FB use, or you for calling him an idiot. HE was speaking to his congregation.

    3. Al says:

      being concerned about the dangers to marriages, 50% end in divorce, and requiring his married STAFF/EMPLOYEES to stop using it or quit makes him a nut bar. You’re an idiot.

      1. Clayton Sheldon says:

        I had a divorce and it was not because of facebook
        She was tired of being a mom and did not want the responsabilties of being a parent. and Shes A Catholic

  58. John Cowan says:

    It’s always somebody else’s fault.

  59. Jason Kahl says:

    My wife has ALL my Email accounts and passwords to Face Book also, I have already had a couple people wanting to “Re-connect”, I use face book like my wife is watching…because she IS!

    Honesty…the best policy…

    1. Jason Kahl says:

      Why even temp yourself? My wife does not mind me talking to anyone, I just have to respect my vows and commitment…

      1. mike says:

        So nice that mommy is watching her little boy’s every wittle move. Awww….

  60. bottomline says:

    As the Reverends know, Jesus said adultery begins in the heart, no physical contact necessary. It’s regrettable when marriages break up, but is denial in the form of a blindfold the real answer to an alleged flaw in the heart or mind? I say alleged because forced monogamy indicates an unreasonable, unnatural life style susceptible to failure by invitations offered with social networking. The continuous denial of this biological fact of life by the church had caused many to abandon the church. With the growing abandonment of wholesome family values, the old moral constrictions will continue to fall too and temptations will increase. Encouraging traditional family values, even with a straying partner, is a far better solution then banning social networking, especially since it’s alleged and probably true, forbidden fruit is always sweeter.

  61. Mary says:

    Facebook might open the door as to with whom they cheat, but cheaters will find somebody with or without popular social networking sites. Shouldn’t he be counseling how to deal with the temptation…not just removing it?

  62. Jude says:

    I AGREE. Ask a divorce lawyer… FACEBOOK divorces are SKYROCKETING. It eases connecting to exes whom spouses idealize. Any slight imperfection in your current spouse is measured against this ex.. whom you have forgotten alll the BAD things.. and only remember the GOOD things. Hence, your spouse always loses. Starts with coffee..or lunch… go ASK A DIVORCE LAWYER. FB does ruin marriages.

    1. Martin says:

      FB doesn’t DO anything…it is a website. People ruin their own marriages! They just use FB to do it.

    2. Goze 2-11 says:

      Sure Jude…kind of like spoonfuls of ice cream made Rosie O’Donnell fat…we should definitely ban spoons as well.

  63. Diane says:

    Who is he to tell grown people what to do??!! You a pastor, not their parents! These people are grown and they know the difference between right and wrong and of course we all have free will or do we??!

    1. Alec Berg says:

      Normally I would agree with this, but….the article says they keep coming to the Pastor for marital problems. So if they’re coming to him with the problems, he’s got every right to tell them what he sees as the issue. Whether or not they listen is up to them (as they are, as you say “grown”)

      Obviously Diane you do not see clergy as authority, that’s fine, don’t go to them for advice and they won’t tell you what to do.

    2. steve-in-stl says:

      Let’s see … who is this guy … a pastor … what does a pastor do? Oh that’s right … he advises people on how to be more like Christ. This he has done. And apparently they DONT know the difference between right and wrong, or at least they ignore it. And yes we do have free will but we are tempted. If they don’t like his counsel, they can vote with their feet and walk out of church.

  64. Alec Berg says:

    Oh man, that reminds me of a few wild memories that I’d like to relive….

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