83517830 e1281446519849 Riley Cote Retires From The Philadelphia Flyers, Opens The Door For A DreamRiley Cote retired from professional hockey yesterday, leaving the Flyers to start his coaching career. Cote, a stand-up and friendly guy by anyone’s account, will become Assistant Coach of the Adirondack Phantoms.

I only have two dreams in life. One of those dreams is to hit Justin Bieber in the head with a water bottle while he performs (without harming the kid), and someone beat me to that.

The other dream involves Riley Cote.

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In parts of 4 different seasons, Riley Cote played 156 games for the Philadelphia Flyers. In those 156 games, Cote logged about 400 minutes in the penalty box. Cote was a tough guy, and he had the fights to prove it.

You may ask, how does any of this relate to my dream? I’m getting there.

The other dream I have, besides hitting Justin Bieber in the head with a water bottle (without hurting him), is to score more goals than a professional hockey player who played in at least 150 games.

Riley Cote retires with one career goal in the NHL. One.

I’m not mocking Cote here, clearly his job was never to score goals. If his directive was “go out there and score goals,” instead of “go out there and be a tough guy,” he would have put the biscuit in the basket more often. The fact is, he didn’t.

This dream is mine for the taking. Clearly, getting on an NHL team is the first obstacle. I haven’t ice skated in about 20 years, and didn’t score once on my JV team at the Episcopal Academy. I was more of a tough guy, getting whistled for tens of cross-checking penalties. Never mind that they occurred because I didn’t know how to stop on ice skates.*

Obviously, being already 34 years old, with a bad back will stand in my way as well. No matter, I’m determined. Remember, all I need to do is score two goals.

I’m putting the NHL, the Flyers, and Riley Cote on notice; I’m ready to bring my talents to the world of professional hockey.

*Not kidding here. I played an entire season of JV hockey, and had no idea how to stop on skates.

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