From a blow to everyone’s favorite mass-market hoagie purveyor to a Philly man with some NSFW uses for dairy, these are the local stories that had you laughing, balking and sometimes asking, “Say what?!” this year. – Chelsea Karnash
It was a saga that will forever make you rethink the inclusion of Swiss on that ham sandwich. Philadelphia’s ‘Swiss Cheese Pervert,’ née Christopher Pagano, shot to Internet fame after disturbing photos of him inside a car with a slice of Swiss over his nether regions surfaced on the Mayfair Townwatch Facebook page. After four victims claimed he tried to pay them to watch him put cheese on his genitals, the Philly resident with a fetish for fromage pleaded guilty to several charges, including harassment and indecent exposure.
Was Reading’s spindly spruce cute or an embarrassment to the city? The 50-foot pretzel-topped tree caused public outcry after some said it was too scrawny to stay at its post at 5th & Penn, but officials eventually declared the tree would remain as a symbol of the holiday spirit and would be decorated like the one in a “Charlie Brown Christmas.”
College students are no stranger to wasting time on the web, but a new course at Penn actually required they do it. Earn credits “to stare at the screen for three hours, only interacting through chat rooms, bots, social media and listservs?” Count us in!
He’s no Swiss Cheese Pervert, but soccer moms off to the market in South Jersey breathed a sigh of relief when this oddball suspect with a fetish for feet was arrested two weeks after squeezing a woman’s toes in Mount Laurel.
Wawa fanatics all over shed a tear or two into their six-inch shorties (and we mean the sandwiches, get your mind out of the gutter!) after the little known QuikTrip beat out Philly’s favorite convenience store in a nationwide survey. Blasphemy, you say? We agree – but at least we beat gaudy arch enemy, Sheetz.
The semi-local candy co. unveiled a new logo this summer, but not all were poo-leased with it. In fact, some thought the new cartoon kiss actually resembled something else entirely. But whether you think the design belongs in the toilet or not, Hershey stood by its choice, saying that “while rooted in a rich heritage, the new corporate brand reflects a modern, approachable look.” Whatever, just give us the chocolate.
“We Confirm All Things Twice.” That’s what one South Jersey town thought it had engraved on its new library. But it turns out Latin really is the hardest language, because their Google research actually translated to “We Second Guess All.” Oops – what’s Latin for “We tried”?
Forget the thousand acres of rare plants and awe-inspiring fountains – Longwood’s most recent claim to fame is its bathrooms. In fact, the restrooms at this historic Pennsylvania attraction were voted the best in the country, meaning that the next time you have to go, you might want to make a detour to Kennett Square.
Customers who bought a certain brand of prosecco from Pa. state-run liquor stores were urged to “use caution” when handling the product after reports of exploding bottles. And you thought the only thing you had to worry about during your Saturday night drinking spree was that impending hangover…
Everywhere you looked on social media this summer, people were dumping buckets of freezing cold water over their heads in the name of charity. And while the #IceBucketChallenge raised MILLIONS for ALS (also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease) and that’s a good thing, it did get a little bit annoying to see everyone from former-president George W. Bush to, um, your mom partaking in an unintentional wet t-shirt contest. What ever happened to mailing a check?