PHILADELPHIA (CBS) — Kevin Hines, author of the book Cracked, Not Broken: Surviving And Thriving After A Suicide Attempt, talked with Rich Zeoli on Talk Radio 1210 WPHT about his memoir and a talk he gave this week at the University of Pennsylvania.
Hines explained that his mental condition led him to irrationally believe that killing himself was the only choice he had.
“I was hearing voices in my head. Voices seemingly not of my conscience. Screaming that I had to die. That I had no other option. That my death by my own hands was inevitable. This is common in psychosis, hearing voices, auditory hallucinations. I had visual hallucinations of things that were absolutely horrific. I got to a point in my complete instability where I didn’t want to die by suicide. I thought I had to. I thought that was only option.”
He stated his frustration surrounding the labels put on people with mental disorders that attempt to take their lives.
“So many talk these days about how people who are suicidal are selfish. It’s not an accurate statement because in that state of my mind, my thought process was so irrational…It’s actually nonsense. When you’re in that place of great mental duress and the brain noise and the brain pain is so powerful…I thought no one cared about me.”
Hines recounted that he knew immediately after jumping that he had made a mistake.
“The moment that I hit free fall, I had an instant regret. It’s important to note that of the 36 survivors of the Golden Gate Bridge jump, 19 have come forward…and said they also had an instant regret. What happens in these situations when you’re given…time to think as you fall…I was shocked into reality from my psychosis. All I wanted to do was live.”
He shared his experience on Monday at the University of Pennsylvania, a week after a student there committed suicide. He said he found the students very receptive to his story.
“I had several students come up afterwards and tell me how the presentation impacted their lives and how they would carry the story with them as they battled their own mental fights inside.”