By Andrew Porter

PHILADELPHIA (CBS) — Why do you hate the Cowboys?

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Every Philadelphian has their own unique answer, but most importantly, we’re born with it. It’s innate. It’s inside of us. And that is always my answer.

With that being said, 94WIP Afternoon Show Rob Ellis expressed his hatred for the Dallas Cowboys in poem form.

Without further ado, here’s Rob Ellis’ Ode to Cowboys hate.

 

My hatred and loathing of the Cowboys is a deep cavernous reservoir that dates back to childhood and is all encompassing, 

From the pomposity of Tom Landry and his stickin’ fedora, to Jimmy Johnson and his acrylic hair,

From the buffoonery of Dave Campo, to the cluelessness of Jason Garrett,

From the cheap shot artists, like Lee Roy Jordan and Dennis Thurman,

To the preening punks like, Butch Johnson, and Michael Irvin, and Deion Sanders…and Keyshawn Johnson and Dez Bryant,

To the common criminal thugs, like Lance Rentzel, and Hollywood Henderson, and Nate Newton, and Leon Lett, and Michael Irvin again,

To the over compensating mid-life crisis Corvette of a monstrosity that is Jerry World,

And speaking of the Cowboys owner, the man of a thousand faces and zero integrity, Jerry Jones,

The Kardashians are less desperate for attention than this creepy, old, meddling, look-at-me crypt keeper of a fraud, 

All that said, my true hatred is reserved for the fans,

The fraud fans,

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Those who were not born in Texas, that was just simply a misfortune,

I am speaking to those truly disturbed miscreants who are from the Delaware Valley who voluntarily elect to root for the Cowboys,

You are the lowest form of life,

You are a disloyal front-running, non fox-hole, sub-intelligent, subversive, commie bunch,

You are the types who bail on your buddy when he gets dumped by his girlfriend or wife, or losses his job,

You give up on your children when they do bad on a test,

You bad mouth your own—that includes family members, friends, co-workers,

You have no moral compass,

You are too stupid to realize that they—meaning the Cowboys—they don’t want you,

They don’t care about you, they laugh at you behind your back,

And that’s what you’ll never get,

Real Eagles fans are loyal and they have stood the test of time, to the tune of 54 years,

If that’s not loyalty, I don’t know what is,

And it will make it that much sweeter when that devotion is rewarded with a parade,

And while that civic celebration is taking place, you’ll be right back in your element,

Under a rock, back into your sewer, or more likely, in your mom’s basement. 

 

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