TALE OF THE TAPE

NFL

  1. JACKSONVILLE, FL - SEPTEMBER 29: Blaine Gabbert #11 hands off to Maurice Jones-Drew #32 of the Jacksonville Jaguars during a game against the Indianapolis Colts at EverBank Field on September 29, 2013 in Jacksonville, Florida. A nurse puts 3D glasses on the face of a surgeon before an operation at the Argenteuil hospital, in a Paris suburb, on July 25, 2013. AFP PHOTO / FRED DUFOUR
    Less Painful: Watching Jacksonville Or Undergoing Invasive, Unnecessary Surgery?

    With the Jacksonville Jaguars unable to do anything right, and turning in performances reminiscent of the ’62 Mets absent any of the charm, watching their games is beyond brutal.

  2. JACKSONVILLE, FL - AUGUST 24: Quarterback Nick Foles #9 of the Philadelphia Eagles looks for a receiver during a game against the Jacksonville Jaguars at EverBank Field on August 24, 2013 in Jacksonville, Florida. TAMPA, FL - SEPTEMBER 29: Cornerback Darrelle Revis #24 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers celebrates after a 3rd quarter interception against the Arizona Cardinals September 29, 2013 at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida.
    Tale Of The Tape: Philadelphia Eagles At Tampa Bay Buccaneers

    Quarterback Michael Vick understands what Chip Kelly wants him to do with the Eagles’ offense and he certainly has come close to giving the coach what he wants to see.

  3. (credit: Dustin Bradford/Getty Images) Gaming fans sample EA Sports Madden NFL
    More Impressive Stats? Denver Broncos Offense Vs. Playing Madden On “Easy”

    The Broncos are on pace to break some crazy impressive records. But how do the 2013 Broncos measure up against when I play Madden on easy?

  4. Philadelphia Eagles v Jacksonville Jaguars New York Jets v New York Giants
    Tale Of The Tape: Philadelphia Eagles At New York Giants

    Michael Vick has put good numbers on the board in the first quarter of the season, but there is something missing as his team has lost three in a row after an opening victory.

  5. elicredit2.jpg boxingcredit2.jpg
    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

  6. natecredit1.jpg digiornocredit1.jpg
    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 33,989 other followers