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Guardian Angel Suicide Watch: Week 2

By Justin Boylan

How could this happen? Of course I knew it could happen, I just didn't think it would. How did I not see this coming? I should have. Well I did, but by then it was too late.

Suicide Watch: Week 1 - Justin Boylan takes the Bears

The Bears were driving midway through the fourth quarter looking for a go-ahead score.  They hadn't led in the game since their opening-drive touchdown.  The whole thing was a disaster from the start, but this was the drive where it looked like order was being restored.  Chicago would avoid a life sentence for killing thousands in the Suicide Pool.

"Not so fast," Jay Cutler said to me through the television screen.  I could hear his voice in my head as he rolled out on 3rd-and-1.  I searched for an answer, something to motivate him as he searched for an open target.  I couldn't find the words, and Cutler found Kyle Williams.  Kyle Williams, a defensive tackle for the Buffalo Bills, read the throw like he was Asante Samuel in 2006.  His first career interception was the knife in my side.

The rest was a blur.  Buffalo turned the pick into a three-point lead, but Cutler was able to hustle his offense down the field to tie it up in the final minute.  The Bears also got the ball first in overtime.  Thinking my wound would heal, I watched.  Matt Forte flew for 13 yards on the first play.  It felt like a shot of adrenaline.  Life.  "Not so fast," I heard again.  Cutler threw on the next three downs, gaining a total of three yards.  Punt.  Dead.

Credit goes to the Bills.  They were more balanced, more careful with the football and simply the better team.  The Bears' supposed-to-be-improved run defense allowed 5.8 yards per carry, which is the opposite of improved.  EJ Manuel only threw it 22 times, but picked his spots, completing a career-high 72 percent of his passes.  The Bills defense knocked both Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery out at various points of the game.  Marshall spent most of the time hobbling around, and a hamstring injury limited Jeffery to just 36 snaps.

I know what you're thinking, THE PICK WAS THE EAGLES YOU TURNCOAT.  You're right.  They were the best bet, I made them my best bet, but I didn't go with the best bet and it haunts this very word doc I'm typing on.  It feels like someone kicked me in the face.

If you bleed green and stuck it out with the Eagles, nice job, you still have blood pumping through your veins.  The same can't be said for the other 5,658 competitors like me who met an early demise.  The Bears and Chiefs were the biggest offenders.  Together they burned more people than a Guilty Remnant Memorial Day party (that one's for Spike Eskin), knocking out more than 4,000 people.

So death came early this season, but my picks live on.  What is dead may never die.  Think of me as your guardian angel, here to help you avoid a similar fate.

Guardian Selection – Packers vs. Jets

The Pack has had extra days to chew on that Seattle beat down and trust they used that time wisely.  The holes they have on defense are real, and while the Jets should be able to run the ball easily and effectively, they can't keep up with a motivated Aaron Rodgers team at home.

Green Bay hasn't lost two in a row with Rodgers running things since 2010.  Plus, I don't want to live in a world where the Jets are 2-0 and the Packers are 0-2.  Wait, I'm already dead.

Best Bet for Survival – Broncos vs. Chiefs

This pick violates rule 2 of the Suicide Pool handbook (no divisional games), but Peyton Manning is the exception that proves the rule.  He talked about his disappointment in Denver's offensive performance against the Colts, which means he's ready to set things straight this week.  It also means sucks to be the Chiefs.

KC had 11 wins last year, their best season in a decade, and still dropped both games to the Broncos.  Manning is a dope 12-1 in his career verses the Chiefs and 4-0 since moving to Mile High.  The streak continues.

Cheating Death – Steelers at Ravens

If I need to explain this one then your TV must be broken, and you don't have an Internet connection.  If that's the case then you aren't reading this anyway.  The line opened at 3, it will likely move more by kickoff, but right now Pittsburgh is still the underdog.  I'd like to capitalize.

The Ravens are facing two home losses to divisional rivals to start the season, which is a potential season killer.  But you know what else is a potential season killer?  Yeah.

Stay alive.

Justin Boylan is a producer at 94WIP and graduate of Temple University. You can email him at justin.boylan@temple.edu and follow him on Twitter @justintboylan.

 

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