Rich Zeoli: A Future State Of The Union Address
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By Rich Zeoli
PHILADELPHIA (CBS)–My fellow Americans, tonight we gather on what is no doubt another historically cold night in our nation’s capital. But while our bodies may be cold our love for America has never been warmer and the state of our union has never been stronger.
For the past several years I have worked to bridge the divide between my fellow conservatives in Congress and our friends on the left. But the fact remains the American people cannot wait for you, the Congress, to get your act together. Real people are hurting and tonight we must end that hurt. I would love for you to work with me, but if not, that’s OK; I’m prepared to go it alone. Not because I want too, but because I have too.
First and foremost, it is unconscionable to me that millions of children , who by virtue of their zip code are born into, and forced to attend, failing public schools. For the sake of their future and the future of America, we simply cannot wait any longer for these schools to turn around. Therefore, using precedent established under the 44th president of the United States, Barack Obama, who used his pen to increase federal minimum wage for all federal contractors, I have signed an executive order requiring all schools which receive federal funds to immediately begin accepting students from other districts. No student shall suffer in a failing public school on my watch. Let the era of school choice usher in a new deal of economic freedom and fairness for all.
Second, as our economy lingers and millions of Americans remain unemployed, we must usher in a new era of economic growth. I have asked, repeatedly, for Congress to reduce regulations that are hurting the American people by stifling job growth but you have failed to act because you wanted me to fail.
We cannot wait any longer.
Using the concept of prosecutorial discretion used by my predecessor, Barack Obama to stop deportation of children of illegal immigrants, I hereby order a hold on all federal environmental regulations. The EPA will stand down until our economy stands up. As President Obama showed us, as the Chief Executive it is your solemn duty, to choose to enforce the rules and regulations that need enforcing for the good of the American people.
Third, millions of Americans are being discriminated by this government on a daily basis. They are heterosexual Americans and gay Americans alike. They are good, decent, people, who through no fault of their own have never walked down the aisle or had children. Tonight, I’m signing an executive order ending discrimination against single Americans by establishing a federal flat tax. For too long we have known the problem: the IRS code is unfair. To quote former Attorney General Eric Holder: “For the purposes of federal income tax purposes all Americans will be treated equally under the law.” So, regardless of state issued marital status, child status, or any other discriminatory category, all people deserve to be treated fairly and will be taxed fairly: by paying the same rate.
Lastly, millions of Americans wake up every day to the reality that their government is stifling their freedom. Just as my predecessor, President Obama, ordered his justice department to stand down on enforcing federal and state laws on marijuana, I shall do the same with regard to a right that, unlike marijuana, is actually in our Constitution. That of course is the right of the people to bear arms.
So tonight, I have ordered the Department of Justice to end enforcement of all federal gun laws. Keeping a firearm without documentation isn’t a crime; nothing in the Bill of Rights requires documentation. Undocumented firearms holders want to be treated equally and deserve to be treated as fairly as any American exercising their Constitutional rights.
To the Supreme Court shaking your heard: you had your chance to right the wrongs of my predecessor; but you chose to ignore him. And simply put, it’s our turn now. Plus, I just made a ton of recess appointments of federal judges who agree with me, thanks Obama for that precedential gem, and thanks to my buddy Harry Reid ending the filibuster, those confirmations can’t be stopped anyway!
And to the millions and millions of progressive who will no doubt be angry at these actions, to quote President Thomas Jefferson: “Payback is a bitch.”
God Bless you, and God Bless the United States of America.