Zombie Suicide Watch Week 16: The Final Fortnight
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By Justin Boylan
If any of the final 25 survivors of the 94WIP Suicide Pool got through the week on the Monday night squeaker between the Ravens and the Lions, send Justin Tucker a gift basket. The man kicked SIX field goals and accounted for all 18 of the Ravens’ points. He kicked one from 20 yards, from 30 yards, from 40 yards, from 50 yards and from 60 yards.
Tucker is the fourth player ever to kick a go-ahead field goal from 60 yards or more in the final minute of a game. There was no way he was going to miss that. His foot was the hottest thing in the state of Michigan that night. Legatron is greater than Megatron.
He has made 33 field goals in a row and kicked 15 during the Ravens’ current four-game winning streak. No one has kicked more field goals than Tucker this season, and no one has made more from beyond 50 yards.
Allow me to update my MVP ballot:
1. Peyton Manning
2. Russell Wilson
3. Jamaal Charles
4. Tom Brady
5. Justin Tucker
It is primarily because of each of these players that their team is on pace to play January football. If the Ravens finish what they started a few weeks ago and slip into the postseason, they can thank Justin Tucker. If you win the Suicide Pool and used the Ravens to get there, you too can thank Justin Tucker.
Way to represent for Justin’s everywhere. On behalf of all of us, from Timberlake to Verlander, keep it up Tucker. We see you.
Zombie Selection – Bengals vs. Vikings
The Panthers last week and now the Bengals, maybe if I used these good teams when I was alive I might still be in the hunt. I’ll have to remember that for next year.
This is an easy one. The Bengals are 6-0 at home, and they have to keep winning because Tucker and the Ravens are hot on their division trail. Meanwhile, the Vikings are still celebrating their domination of the Eagles. I expect a bounce-back game from Cincy after losing in Pittsburgh, and I expect the exact opposite from the Vikings.
The last time Matt Cassel won a road game was week 3 of last season with the Chiefs, but saying he won the game is a stretch. Ryan Succop did his best Justin Tucker impression, kicking six field goals, and Jamaal Charles broke a 91-yard run for Kansas City’s only touchdown. Cassel really beat the Eagles? That actually happened? I’m bitter. Go Bengals.
Best Bet for Survival – Rams vs. Buccaneers
I don’t know how it happened, but the Rams handled the Saints last week and destroyed my teaser. Neither team has a lot to play for here, but the Rams pass rush at home is enough to stop Mike Glennon if it was enough to stop Drew Brees.
I take that back, the Rams are playing for an 8-8 season, a mark they haven’t reached since 2006. They already have a top-five draft pick in the bag thanks to that mess in Washington, so there isn’t much of a silver lining in losing.
Kellen Clemens wants to get you to the final week alive. Will you let him?
Don’t answer that.
Cheating Death – Redskins vs. Cowboys
Maybe you used Washington in week 4 when they beat the Raiders, but I highly doubt it. Here’s a chance to throw the Cowboys out of the playoff circle and live off of one of the worst teams in the league. Kirk Cousins could become the most beloved athlete in Philadelphia by 4 p.m. Sunday.
Washington turned the ball over seven times in Atlanta and still came within a two-point conversion of winning the game. Dallas can’t hold a lead, and Tony Christmas King of December doesn’t know any other way to go out.
Can everyone left please pick Washington? One for all and all against the Dallas Cowboys.
Justin Boylan is a producer at 94WIP and graduate of Temple University. You can email him at firstname.lastname@example.org and follow him on Twitter @justintboylan.