By Spike Eskin
PHILADELPHIA (CBS) – Have one of those people in your life that is difficult to shop for? Well consider buying the Eagles team allegiance of a stranger for him or her. Exactly what that entails, isn’t particularly clear.
A man named Michael is selling his “allegiance to the Eagles: FOREVER!” on Ebay, with a minimum bid of one cent. There is no bid yet.
“I have followed the Philadelphia Eagles with all my heart for two decades. Imagine being in love with a beautiful, majestic woman. Imagine that every day for twenty years, you have learned everything there is to know about her, written songs about her, showered her with gifts, dreamt of her every single night and made her your number one object of affection,” Michael writes in the description.
The rest of the description is as follows:
“Imagine that during the entirety of the twenty years, she strung you along, giving you false hope time and time again that you could be together. She would accompany you on dates, accept your gifts, occasionally take you to meet her family, kiss you on the cheek; and then she would crush your heart and soul by telling you that it wasn’t going to work, she had moved on, found someone else. Yet each year she would come back and tell you that she wanted you back, that she wanted to be with you, that she wanted another chance…and you gave it to her.
Twenty. Years. What individual is blind for that long, is psychotic enough to believe there is a chance year after year? To top it all off, you’ve learned that she is actually an ageless entity and has pulled the same tricks on countless other men for decades before you. It is enough to make one weep, and weep I have.
I am selling my soul, my love, my conviction, my desire, my loyalty and my allegiance to the highest bidder. Whomever wins, I will completely and whole-heartedly root, cheer, praise and worship their football team until the end of my days. This is a risk, but life is short and I want to belong to a team that will win; I must experience it, I must taste it, I must BE it.”
It seems like a strange time to abandon fanhood for the Eagles. Even given the surprising loss to the Vikings, the Eagles have doubled their 2012 win total, and the future seems bright, and may include the playoffs again this season.
The seller does add that he is using the proceeds to pay for a wedding. I’m currently planning a wedding, and he better hope someone thinks his allegiance is pretty valuable.
I don’t want to hurt his sale, but I’m pretty sure you can be an Eagles fan for free.
The listing on Ebay is at this location.