Suicide Watch Week 13: Romo Time In Zombie Land
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By Justin Boylan
PHILADELPHIA (CBS) – Death has turned me cold. I’m like Frankie Carbone frozen in the back of the meat truck when it comes to my postmortem NFL picks. I’ve gone 0-2 (3-3 overall) since being knocked out of the Suicide Pool in week 10.
Last week I took the Lions, which became a Matthew Stafford-led execution of 163 competitors. But now it’s week 13, and the scary, unlucky number 13 and zombies just feels like a good match.
So this would be a perfect time to start the turnaround, but I have a better idea. I’m going to use my zombie powers to doom a common enemy on Turkey Day. If you’re one of the last 67 people still holding on, I suggest you avoid following me down this dark path.
Zombie Selection – Cowboys vs. Raiders
The Vegas line on this game can’t be high enough. The Cowboys are currently 9-point favorites over the Raiders, but I see it moving way way way up before the turkey is even in the oven. Talk about a stone-cold lock, this is it right here. Look no further.
The Cowboys beat the Raiders in 2009 on Thanksgiving 24-7, and I didn’t look into it, but I’m sure both teams are pretty much the same. Tony Romo is 5-2 in the Turkey Bowl, which means he’s somehow lasted eight years as the Cowboys’ starter. This is nothing.
The NFL loves the Cowboys and knows the whole country loves the Cowboys and sees to it they get an easy win to make the pumpkin pie taste so much sweeter. It doesn’t even matter that half of the Dallas defense is either hobbled or out entirely, the Cowboys are so money this time of year they could show up with just their offense, play them on both sides of the ball and still come out on top.
Late-November, early-December with the playoffs around the corner, this is Romo time! The Cowboys never disappoint. The Raiders have no chance. Zero. None.
Best Bet for Survival – Patriots at Texans
If you’re still in the pool and somehow have the Pats left as an option, please e-mail me the strategy you used so I can follow it step-by-step next year. Thanks.
The letdown factor here, usually high after such a huge, comeback win against Peyton Manning, is low considering the opponent. Houston has lost nine straight games, and hit rock bottom last week scoring six points at home against the Jaguars. Odds are Gary Kubiak will go after the season, as well as Matt Schaub, who has three years left on his 5-year deal.
Houston also has running back Arian Foster and receiver Andre Johnson locked up until 2017. Foster just had back surgery, and Johnson will be 33 next season. They can always lock up Case Keenum like they did Schaub. It’s safe to say the Texans are playing for draft position.
Cheating Death – Jaguars vs. Browns
The team we loved to pick against is a we-win-out-they-lose-out scenario away from tying the Colts at 7-9 atop the AFC South. And they play each other in week 17. HERE COMES JACKSONVILLE.
Okay, that won’t happen, but the Jags beat the Browns, who are back to starting Brandon Weeden. Cleveland has no other active quarterback on the roster, so unless they play a concussed Jason Campbell, it’ll be Weeden throwing interceptions.
Justin Boylan is a producer at 94WIP and graduate of Temple University. You can email him at email@example.com and follow him on Twitter @justintboylan.