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By Spike Eskin

PHILADELPHIA (CBS) – I thought about calling this “Demerits and Demerits” today, as that game probably didn’t deserve many gold stars.

Every time the Eagles lose a game like this, it always feels like they’ve never lost one this badly. It’s almost like the following scene from Office Space:

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.
Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Just replace “worst day of your life,” with “worst Eagles loss I’ve ever seen.”

Gold Star #1 – Jeremy Maclin

Maclin had his first good game of the year, with six catches, 130 yards and a touchdown. He also drew a couple of pass interference penalties that accounted for over 60 yards.

Demerit #1 – The Defensive Line

Though Trent Cole may explain that the reason the Eagles aren’t getting sacks is just because they’re so dominant that the other team is doing whatever they can to stop it from happening, I may suggest that’s not entirely true. That’s three straight games with no sacks for the Eagles.

Gold Star #2 – Nnamdi Asomugha

Through three quarters, glued to Calvin Johnson, Asomugha looked like the cornerback we’d all heard he was. So naturally the Eagles decided to switch it up and put Rodgers-Cromartie and Boykin on Johnson. Asomugha also had his first interception since the early 1980’s.

Demerit #2 – The Eagles Offensive Line

It’s true that the offensive line’s success often times has as much to do with the quarterback as the offensive line itself. It’s also true that this offensive line isn’t very good right now. is horrible right now. They did a terrible job of pass protection, in the first half most notably, and the 22 yards on 14 carries that LeSean McCoy mustered suggests they didn’t run block very well either. While we’re on the topic, how about that early snap from Dallas Reynolds?

Gold Star #3 – Calvin Johnson

It’s true that Megatron is not on the Eagles, and this column is about the Eagles, but I can’t think of anyone else on the team who truly deserves to be commended. How sick was that catch on the sidelines?

Demerit #3 – Fletcher Cox

Not only is punching another player during a football game a waste of energy, as the other player HAS A HELMET AND PADS ON, but this time it got Cox thrown out of the game. After he was ejected, the Lions ran all over the Eagles.

Demerit #4 – Andy Reid

We usually do three demerits, but I don’t think anyone is going to argue here. The Eagles are undisciplined, often times look confused and unprepared, and not very good. Ultimately, that’s the head coach’s fault. I’ve been on Team Andy for quite a while, but it doesn’t look like there’s any salvaging this.

Demerit #5 – The Eagles Safeties

You know you’re in bad shape when an injury to Nate Allen is a problem.

Demerit #6 – Mat McBriar

Seems like he stinks. Am I watching something different than anyone else?

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