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Viso's Gluttony Guide: My Battle With Clams

By Mike Viso

Fear not folks, I'm back! It's been a bit but it's because I've been scouring the country all in the name of educating the youth about the endless possibilities of deliciousness. However, today is a unique day because I'm proud to say I've confronted a fear of mine: seafood.

Now, you know I've written about my love of sushi and other fishes but that's been a ruse to seem like I'm manly and can try anything. You may have thought I'm the Andrew Zimmerman of the Delaware Valley but you'd be wrong. My fear of food is not as bad as it once was, but it's not completely dissipated either. Because of the great opportunity I have to speak with you, it's only fair that I try everything I can get my smooth, soft, silky hands on. So that's why at Dom Giordano's Feast of the Seven Fishes event, I tried several things for the first time. However, two stick out in my mind.

Let's start with the good. I had muzzles for the first time in a beautiful sauce. Wow, I was always afraid to try them and I'm kicking myself. Sure, Positano Coast is a classy joint with great chefs, but behind the quality of the product there was a simplicity to the dish.
The simplicity made me realize that it's less of this slimy mucus sack that barbarians eat because they can't catch a fish that day ("fish move, I no catch, me hungry, eat shell"), but rather it's a delectable treat with flavor in the bite. Now, I'm still going to pump the brakes before I indulge again, but I've graduated from "you're stupid for asking" to "hey, you try it and I'll have one".

Now for the bad news: Please, for the love of everything holy, keep clams away from me! If you thought my "you're stupid for asking me" attitude about mussels was bad, I can go on a profanity laced tirade about my thoughts on clams. Again, being at a classy joint, I figured I'd give it a shot.

First off, I was working while I grabbed dinner so I was standing in the corner like little Jack Horner. Second, I had to balance my plate in one hand. I didn't have the leverage to pull the clam off the shell which created a 25 cent machine silly putty effect that nearly made me lose the pasta and the crusted mahi-mahi (awesome btw) that was in my stomach. However, I forged for your sake. Let me tell you that if it wasn't for the perfectly made Jack Daniels and Coke I was drinking, there would have been a scene at the restaurant equivalent to the scene in "Stand By Me". You remember the eating contest scene, don't you? The slimy and salty feel made me queasy, but the fact that you shouldn't chew it and take it like a pill is more than I could bear. Truly, I gulped a glass to get that taste out of my mouth.

The nice part about WPHT and CBS is that I get to speak my mind so I don't have to say I like anything. I do have to admit it was a great time. Dom debuted his wine and the perk of working for the show is free booze. As you know from previous stories, I love taking full advantage of that. Well, I know that you're on your way out to buy a fruitcake for a neighbor you really don't care about so I'll bail early on this story. I hope you have a wonderful holiday and I look forward to talking with you in the new year. I'll tell you about my New Year's Eve party in my first story. Send hors d'oeuvres suggestions to michaelviso@gmail.com.

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